How to manage separation anxiety?

When your child won’t let you out of sight: practical tips to ease separation anxiety

Every time you have to leave your little one alone—whether it’s with grandma, at daycare, or at bedtime—they throw tantrums, cry in despair, and cling to your leg, refusing to let go. It breaks your heart. And it’s normal: when children start to walk, assert their independence, and move away from their parents, they’re not yet ready to be fully separated. They still crave the sense of security and familiarity they find in the arms of mom and dad. So how can you manage separation anxiety? Keep reading to learn more and understand how to handle it. Your little explorer will soon be ready to be more independent, and with a few tips, we’ll help you make this transition as natural as possible.

What is separation anxiety?

Whether you leave your child at daycare or with grandma, the moment of separation is always difficult. By now, your child understands the concept of object permanence—the idea that something continues to exist even when it can’t be seen or heard (including mom and dad). Children still cannot understand the concept of time , so leaving them alone in a room for a few minutes or with a babysitter for a few hours can feel like the same amount of time. This can be frightening, since children believe their survival depends on having mom or dad nearby.
But be careful: anxiety can also be a sign of your child’s growing independence. They’re starting to form their own opinion about the situation (that parents shouldn’t leave) and want to exercise control.

What triggers separation anxiety in children?

The following scenarios could trigger separation anxiety in children.

  1. Say “goodbye” : younger children are working to develop greater mastery of their own bodies (think first steps and independent feeding), and each new challenge can cause stress. As a result, they may feel conflicted about being away from the security of their parents. For this reason, little ones need reassurance when you leave—for example, by helping them understand that you will return soon.

  2. Large gatherings: finding themselves surrounded by people (even at daycare, among other children) can trigger anxiety, as your child may be afraid of losing you in the crowd.

  3. Go to sleep: leaving your baby in their room at night or for a nap can trigger anxiety, since these are often the longest periods of time alone that they regularly experience.

Separation anxiety: symptoms

Separation anxiety is generally more common between 8 and 18 months. Symptoms usually begin when mom or dad try to separate from their little one. Children may cling, throw tantrums, or resist in an attempt to convince a parent not to leave. They may also show signs of fear and restlessness when a parent is in another room, when they’re left alone before bedtime, or when they’re dropped off at daycare. Emotional outbursts usually ease once the parent is out of sight. In fact, this anxiety helps keep your child close to you, as their source of love and security.

Do children overcome separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety decreases as your child grows , but similar feelings can return for short periods for other reasons—for example, when older children or preschoolers are sick or stressed. Separation anxiety can be triggered again, and this behavior is a normal part of development that will fade over time. Every child is unique, and there is no predetermined timeframe for when separation anxiety appears or disappears. It may also take several months for a child’s anxiety to dissipate, so be prepared for setbacks, especially when routines change due to holidays, illness, or a move.

When should you worry about separation anxiety?

Even if it can be difficult to hear your child cry, remember that separation anxiety has a positive aspect: it indicates that you and your child are bonded by a healthy attachment.

Observe your child and the context: Is there parental conflict, divorce, or something troubling in your child’s environment? If so, the symptoms of separation anxiety may be amplified.

How to manage separation anxiety disorder

Separation anxiety in young children can last months or years, but there is a lot you can do to ease the symptoms. Follow these tips to help calm your little one’s worries.

Whenever you have to leave your child, let them know in advance—for example, when a babysitter is arriving or when you’ll be getting out of the car to go into the nursery—and keep goodbyes brief. If you act anxious or keep coming back for another hug, your child may think there’s something to worry about. Also avoid sneaking out; it can make them fear that you might disappear without warning and lead to even more clinginess.

It can help to develop a very short routine to support the transition. You might say, “Mommy will pick you up after work. I love you,” then hug your child and go. By keeping these moments of separation consistent each time, you create a familiar transition from being with you to being without you.

Ask your nanny or preschool teacher to have an activity ready as soon as you leave your child. Engaging them in a game or activity can distract them from the fact that you’re leaving.

Try to acknowledge your child’s separation anxiety. You might say, “I know you’ll have a lot of fun with grandma, but it’s okay to miss me. You can tell grandma that you miss mommy, and I bet she’ll give you a big hug.”

When you arrive somewhere crowded, avoid forcing your child to interact without you; instead, wait for them to show interest in others. But don’t walk away and disappear if they’re happily entertained by someone else. Be ready to pick them up if they get upset; pushing them beyond their limit will make the next group situation more difficult. Don’t worry if you end up staying by your child’s side the whole time: you’re providing support, which will help them feel comfortable in future social settings.

Establish a relaxing sequence of events—for example, a warm bath followed by a bedtime story or lullaby. This will help your child understand that it’s time to go to bed (and therefore time alone). You can also give your child a stuffed animal to hold and start a playlist with soothing sounds, such as ocean waves. This can make the silence in their room less noticeable when you’re not there.



If your child wakes up from their nap and is happily playing in their crib, don’t rush to pick them up. Let them experience what it’s like to be alone and still have fun. Discovering that they feel comfortable will increase their confidence and independence, and it can help them feel more secure alone in the long term.