Becoming a father: The birth as a young father

When it comes to topics related to pregnancy and childbirth, it is natural that expectant mothers are often in focus. No wonder, after all, they do something truly amazing during birth. But what about all the dads who support them along the way?

We want to give fathers a voice in this column! Every two weeks, a different dad shares his very personal perspective on the birth. Preemies or multiples? Water birth or ? Our LILLYDOO dads share their very personal birth experiences and have plenty to tell.

For example, if a flight attendant has a layover in New York and goes into labor at home with their partner: that's exactly what Georg from Frankfurt experienced, who shares with us in this issue of the column the turbulent birth of his first daughter. When Gwendolyn was born, Georg was 24 – relatively young by today's standards. Quite an advantage, as he sees it. In his blog , Georg regularly gives insights into his life as a family man and flight attendant.

1. HAVE YOU PREPARED IN ANY WAY FOR THE BIRTH AND DO YOU FEEL THAT IT HAS DONE SOMETHING FOR YOU?

My wife took a where men could also attend on two evenings. We were shown how to massage our partner during labor, and we also learned classic breathing techniques. However, I have to admit that I found this course not very helpful for myself. Somehow, it all felt too... oh, I don't know, just strange for me. At the time, I felt like I was stepping into a completely different world; I had never dealt with a midwife before, and some things felt a bit unfamiliar to me.

What really helped me was the countless times my mother told the birth stories of me and my siblings. Almost at every birthday celebration, once it gets late enough, these stories are eventually shared. ;) My aunt and my sister also like to join in with their own stories. So I had already heard quite a bit before. But even though you get an idea of the process from that, each birth is somehow quite different, and you really can't fully prepare for it.

I believe, by the way, that because I was still so young, I was much more relaxed. I noticed that in the childbirth preparation course: all the other fathers were at least ten years older than me, and they were all freaking out about medications, painkillers, and epidurals… I hadn’t really thought about the things that were asked there back then, but simply trusted that everything would turn out fine — a bit of youthful recklessness, you could say. In hindsight, I think it was actually quite good that I approached the situation somewhat naively. This way, I didn’t stress myself or my wife too much.

2. HOW DID THE BIRTH GO AND HOW DID YOU EXPERIENCE IT?

I had actually organized everything in advance: five days before and five days after the (December 18). I took time off, and throughout December, I was exclusively scheduled for flights with overnight stays on the European mainland, so I could have returned quickly to Frankfurt if needed. My last long-haul flight was scheduled for the end of November – with enough time before the due date, I thought. However, Gwenny apparently couldn't wait to come into the world because I was still in New York when my wife went into labor. I truly thought I would miss the birth when I received this message: “Here I am sitting alone in Manhattan while my first child is being born on the other side of the Atlantic,” and I kept thinking about it. Unfortunately, the flight I was assigned to was also the earliest opportunity to return. Luckily, the doctors and midwives reassured me somewhat, as the cervix had not yet dilated. The next 12 hours until I finally landed back in Frankfurt felt like a rollercoaster of emotions. I hurried by car from the airport to the hospital and rushed up the stairs in uniform. Tip for all expectant fathers: visit the hospital beforehand so you know where to go. ;) Luckily, it wasn't too late. In the end, the contractions lasted for another two days, during which we drove back home twice from the hospital. At some point, my wife said that she felt something different and thought that it was really happening now. The 15-euro speeding camera photo taken on the way back to the hospital is now in Gwenny's photo album.

During the actual birth, I was continuously by my wife Stephie's side, applying lip balm, handing her water, and letting her yell at me. I believe that's what we're men for: doing everything possible, as far as possible, to make the woman feel comfortable and to endure the cries of effort and exhaustion. At some point, Stephie said, "Be quiet now, you can't help me!" You just stand there somewhat helplessly and watch. Men are always told to stay at the head of the bed to avoid traumatic sights, but I had a different opinion. After all, I was the one who helped bring the baby in, so I should also see what it costs my wife to get it out again! That's why I absolutely wanted to see when the little head slowly appeared. And no, I didn't suffer any lasting trauma from it. ;)

The moment when Gwenny finally arrived, I can't even describe – pure bliss! During the pregnancy, I had some worries because I was having difficulty connecting with our baby growing inside my wife's belly. But that fear disappeared the very moment our daughter was born.

3. IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANTED TO DO DIFFERENTLY AFTER THE FIRST BIRTH?

As I just mentioned, we, or rather my wife initially, were quite early in the hospital for the first birth. We went there for the first time on Friday, and Gwenny was born on Monday. That was quite exhausting, and we were sent home twice in between. Therefore, when our second daughter was born, we decided to wait longer this time and not go to the hospital at the first sign of labor. Additionally, I wanted to be better prepared overall: When Charly was born, I had eaten enough (a not insignificant advantage ;)) and also packed my own so that I was equipped with everything important.

4. WHAT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND TO OTHER DADS FOR BIRTH PREPARATION?

I would definitely recommend packing your own bag for the hospital as a man. There's always a lot of talk about the woman's hospital bag, but as a (soon-to-be) father, you also need a few things because a birth can really take a long time. Otherwise, you'll be standing there and after 12 hours in the hospital, you might want to eat or drink something, but at the same time, you don't want to take anything away from your wife... So, it's best to bring enough drinks and some snacks for yourself! Something comfortable to wear is also practical. I think that's the biggest tip I can give to other dads: think a little more about yourself, you can't help much anyway. ;)