Becoming a father: The cesarean section birth

When it comes to topics related to pregnancy and childbirth, it is natural that expectant mothers are often in focus. No wonder, after all, they do something truly amazing during birth. But what about all the dads who support them along the way?

We want to give fathers a voice in this column! Every two weeks, a different dad shares his very personal perspective on the birth. Preemies or multiples? Water birth or ? Our LILLYDOO dads share their very personal birth experiences and have plenty to tell.

A natural birth was planned, but in the end, it was a cesarean section: Andreas from Frankfurt shares with us in this issue the story of his unplanned cesarean section with his first daughter. Even though the birth was a few years ago, he still remembers that special (and at times nerve-wracking) moment vividly. By the way: Andreas is literally a LILLYDOO dad: He works in our Development Team.

1. Have you prepared yourself in any way for the birth, and do you feel that it has helped you in any way?

No, not at all: I didn't read anything, didn't take a course, and at that time I didn't know many other dads I could exchange ideas with. My wife attended a , which she unfortunately found not very helpful back then. Overall, we were quite relaxed when it came to preparation. No one could have known that the birth of our daughter would turn out to be so nerve-wracking in the end… ;)

2. How did the birth go and how did you experience it?

Our daughter was born via an unplanned cesarean section. When my wife first experienced mild contractions, we had already been over a week past the . At the hospital, we then paced back and forth for about three hours without much progress. Even though we arrived at the clinic quite early, we knew we wouldn’t go home again at that point because the little one had been waiting so long. We waited and waited, but things just didn’t seem to pick up. In fact, our daughter still tends to take her time even today. ;) Eventually, the doctors also grew anxious about the oxygen supply. After more waiting, the decision was made: cesarean section. At that moment, I almost felt relief. Seeing my wife suffer through the contractions and being unable to do anything was quite stressful for me. With the decision for a cesarean, it was at least clear that this rather unpleasant phase would soon come to an end.

During the operation, I stood at the head of the bed behind a large cloth and couldn't do much besides hold hands. There was banging and crashing at the table – but an operation is quite a intense affair (even if I didn't see any of it). And suddenly, our little one was there, about 12 hours after we arrived at the hospital. She was quickly taken out, cleaned, weighed, dressed, and then I held her in the hospital room while the nurse left us alone. This small moment of calm as father and daughter was very, very beautiful. In that moment, the exhausting hours before were immediately forgotten.

When our son was born, everything was noticeably more relaxed in comparison. But by then, we were basically professionals already. ;)

3. Was there something you wanted to do differently after the first birth?

We weren't really prepared for the first birth, and essentially not for the second either. Therefore, we didn't plan to do anything differently. The only thing I approached differently the second time was the : For the first birth, I only brought a 'minimal bag' for myself because we thought I could go home again if necessary to get more things. We couldn't have foreseen that the unplanned cesarean section would change everything. Since we knew from the outset of the second birth that a cesarean would be performed, requiring a longer hospital stay, I packed a proper hospital bag with sweatpants, etc. For a , this wouldn't necessarily have been necessary, but we were definitely in the hospital for about a week.

4. What would you recommend to other dads for childbirth preparation?

Don't fall into stress or panic! I think it's very important for a man to be the calm center for the woman during childbirth. There's nothing you can really do except be present and bring some calmness. Especially when the doctors and nurses/staff, with their quick, routine work, might create some hustle and bustle, it's always very helpful if the trusted partner is there, who doesn't let themselves get upset. It's probably also not very helpful if the man then also becomes panicked.

Otherwise, I would still advise expectant fathers that there is no reason to say "I can't" when faced with a new task like The first diapers in the hospital were changed by me back then. Unfortunately, there were no LILLYDOO products at that time. ;) Even if you might not want to believe it beforehand: it's something you don't have to learn. When you have your own child in front of you, it just works. So, "I don't know how to do this" really can't be used as an excuse.