Fears during pregnancy

Once you have a baby, completely new questions will arise in your life, and suddenly you'll be thinking about topics you never would have considered before. It's a wonderful, exciting time, but we also understand if your head starts to spin at some point!

How was the decision made to support women through their pregnancy with coaching?

Originally, I worked with competitive athletes and taught them how to deal with pressure and their own worries and fears in a healthier way. In 2019, I unexpectedly became pregnant, which initially threw me off track because at that time I was more mentally focused on my career. The positive pregnancy test brought up quite a few uncertainties for me.

I set out to find someone who could support me with scientifically based insights regarding pregnancy-specific worries and fears, and provide me with helpful methods – but back then, there was no one who met my criteria.

So I quickly adapted the methods and tools from my work with elite athletes and from my own workshops and coaching sessions for myself – my pregnancy became the most beautiful waiting time in the world. Because it worked so well for me personally, I am now only a mindset coach for pregnant women and new parents.

The great thing about supporting pregnant women is the wonderful side effect that the babies in the womb also benefit from the mother's good resilience, even after they are born.

Typical fears during pregnancy

What fears do pregnant women turn to you with?

Fear always occurs when we feel threatened in some way or see our physical and/or mental well-being at risk. Fear is actually a quite helpful emotion that often serves as a valuable companion for us. When we are afraid, we are especially cautious and attentive. For example, if we are afraid of eating something wrong and harming our baby, we will consciously choose certain foods . Fear is actually just trying to tell us: Be careful.

Because every pregnant woman reacts differently to her environment and its stimuli, the fears she brings to me are also very diverse. However, pregnant women who have already experienced a often seek my advice. Such emotional experiences leave a lasting impression, and it is quite normal for the subsequent pregnancy to start differently and for a veil of heaviness to often hang over it.

Whether you have experienced a miscarriage or are worried for other reasons: ultimately, most pregnant women want to be reassured and hear from others that everything is fine. The problem is that they are always dependent on others for this. On the gynecologist, the midwife, maybe the best friend, or in the worst case, on Google. When pregnant women come to me, they learn to calm themselves. Because most worries and fears are not about a real danger, but about an imagined one.

Dealing with fears

"How is my baby developing? How can I protect it now and ensure it is doing well?" – such and other thoughts probably cross every pregnant woman's mind at some point. When should you seek support?

Such thoughts are completely normal, after all, so much is uncertain and unknown during pregnancy. "Worrying," or having negative thoughts, is a part of being human and is due to the fact that our brain has a negativity bias. This means that our synapses are wired in such a way that we automatically imagine future scenarios when faced with uncertainties, in order to potentially be better prepared for bad situations. In the Stone Age, this way of thinking was a survival mechanism and definitely helpful. Nowadays, it is no longer the case in most situations and causes more stress than we actually need to have. Worries and fears lead us to be less present, where most things are fine, and instead stress us with hypotheses, or untested theories about the future.

If you notice as a pregnant woman that many things in everyday life stress you or that you can't really enjoy your pregnancy, but you would like to, it is worth seeking support. If you are constantly worried and have many negative thoughts and instead want to enjoy your pregnancy with ease and confidence, it is worth getting support!

Support can take many forms. Depending on how big the worries or fears are, the support should also change. In some situations, the advice of your best friend is enough. In others, the opinion of your gynecologist. Sometimes good self-coaching methods are sufficient, and sometimes a coach. If you have experienced trauma from a (silent) birth or other issues, I sincerely recommend having a therapist as your supporter by your side.

Influence of Mindset on Pregnancy

How can fears and worries affect pregnancy?

Studies show that persistent negative stress can affect pregnancy. When I am stressed because I am worried or anxious, my body releases stress hormones – adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol. These hormones are not only released in real danger situations but also when we just think about what could happen. Through the release of hormones, our body mobilizes all available reserves to escape danger through fight or flight. Physically, we notice this as a pounding heart, an increased pulse, shallower breathing; emotionally often through inner restlessness and unease. Constant severe stress can increase the risk of pregnancy complications.

It is important to understand that every emotion has its right to exist and makes sense, even during pregnancy. Fear protects you and your baby from situations that are not good for you. The question is only how much we get caught up in the fear. With fear, as with all other feelings: they are almost always temporary, unless we cling to them too much.

What effect can a positive mindset have?

I believe that more important than a positive mindset is a constructive one. Our brain has an evolutionarily developed a Negative bias to protect us from dangerous situations . That's why it's easier for us to focus on negative consequences to think positively. It's time for our to support the brain to learn, thinking differently and not always immediately see all the potentially negative aspects – this is supported by neuroscientific studies. I also talk about this more often on the Kugelzeit Coaching Podcast because it is fascinating what our body and brain are capable of.

Which tactics helped you during your pregnancies that you are passing on today?

All methods I personally use have one thing in common: they are all very simple, yet effective. The key moment and often the most difficult part is to recognize your own fear and, at the moment it occurs, to step onto the meta-level, that is, to think about your own thinking.
What do you specifically think when you are afraid or worried? Only when you realize this can you do something about the fear.

Often, we just want to get rid of the fear quickly by distracting ourselves with sports, food, series, friends, or something else. I advise against this because the fear will come back. The next time you feel afraid or worry, ask yourself what the trigger is. What triggers the fear? Use the fear to motivate action. This will automatically make it smaller.

Since fears can also have advantages, it should not be about never feeling fear or worry again. The goal should rather be to recognize whether the fear is justified or if one is overreacting, and if so, to let go of it again or to notice which need one actually wants to satisfy behind the fear.

And finally: What message would you like to share with expectant mothers through this platform?

Material things are not what make you happy or prepare you for your new role as mom or dad. To be happy and to go through pregnancy with ease, the secret is growth. Not only the growth of your child, but also your own mental growth. I don’t mean change. During pregnancy, enough changes already happen – both within and around you – that are beyond your control. It’s actually incredible, but we almost don’t have to do anything to ensure our baby’s well-being, that it grows, and that our own bodies change in a way that everything proceeds normally. These are fascinating changes that can also be frightening because they are not controllable.

Mental growth, on the other hand, is the result of conscious thinking, decision-making, and action. It doesn't happen automatically, but we can control it 100%!

When you learn not to focus on things beyond your control, you will experience a happy and calm pregnancy. Whether it's changes in your body, others' opinions, potential worries, or other stressful events. And you can learn to accept, question, and handle your worries and fears differently. And that is exactly what I wish for you from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you very much, dear Jill, for these insights about fears and worries during pregnancy. Even though it is completely normal that you want the best for your baby in this situation and your thoughts revolve around its development and well-being, it is worth listening closely to yourself. If fears become overwhelming, it can be helpful to seek support. Whether it's your doctor, midwife, a good friend, or a coach – sharing your thoughts can be the first step toward enjoying your pregnancy more carefree. We wish you all the best.