Your baby, so cute, has entered a phase where tantrums are increasing. He is around two years old, and you feel overwhelmed. Your child has just entered the two-year-old crisis period, known as the terrible twos. This is obviously not the most pleasant phase of your child's development, but it is normal and necessary .

The terrible twos: what is it?

Don’t be frightened. This phase is certainly intense, but it isn’t dramatic. Your child needs to stand out and forge their own path. You can support them by better understanding what’s happening.

Definition of the two-year-old crisis

The terrible twos, or the two-year-old crisis, appear in children between approximately 18 months and 2 years old. It usually ends around 3-4 years old. This is what Isabelle Filliozat, psychotherapist, calls in her book « I Tried Everything ». individuation . Around 2 years old, the child begins to understand that they are a full-fledged little person who can make their own decisions. Their choices may then differ from those of their parents—hence the tantrums.

This delicate period is when children build their personality . Their brain is still developing, as is their emotional regulation. The child's language skills are not yet sufficiently developed. Tantrums are expressions of anger in response to their difficulty communicating emotions.

Recognize the signs of the terrible twos in your child

Obviously, your child's age is already a good indicator of the onset of the terrible twos. Some children experience this change more intensely than others. You may notice that your little one begins to oppose you as they build their individuality and try to detach themselves from your authority. As a result, “no” moves to the forefront of their vocabulary.

Your little adventurer in the terrible twos phase can easily become upset, switching from laughter to tears. They may experience mood swings. They can be clingy with you and push you away almost at the same time. They can also throw tantrums, not yet knowing how to manage their emotions.

His relationship with other children can sometimes be complicated. This is the time when he pushes, hits, bites, etc. He tests the limits you set for him. He always tries to go a little further. That’s when he expresses his frustration through tears, screams, or episodes of physical aggression.

The triggers of a crisis

Very often, tantrums related to the terrible twos occur during key moments of daily life. For example, meals or diaper changes can become challenging. These everyday moments that you repeat each day can become a source of conflict. Your little one may easily oppose you and affirm their individuality .

Your little one's inability to express themselves properly is also a source of anger. They understand better than they speak. They feel frustrated when they can’t clearly convey what they want. They may then express this feeling in a strong and sudden way. And rest assured, tantrums—fortunately—never last very long.

At this age, your child has difficulty controlling and understanding their emotions—so imagine trying to understand those of others. When an adult gets angry, their brain struggles to process the information. It’s the same with other children. Around two years old, your child becomes aware of others and their emotions . He is learning to be less self-centered. It’s a difficult exercise that brings big feelings for these little learners. When they can’t process and express these emotions, that’s when a crisis occurs.

How to manage the terrible twos and their crises: three approaches

Are you feeling overwhelmed by this two-year crisis phase? Are you wondering how you’ll get through it? That’s normal—don’t worry. This period is also completely normal for your child. It is part of their development. There is no single way to handle it, nor a magic recipe. But we’re sharing some tips and tricks to help you manage the terrible twos as smoothly as possible.

Communication: crucial for the two-year-old crisis

It can’t be said enough: communication is key. If your child gets angry, it’s often because they can’t communicate what they’re feeling. They need to express their emotions, but they don’t yet have the words. This frustration can lead to a tantrum. They may be seeking your attention and testing boundaries. To defuse the situation, talk to them.

Your child understands much better than he speaks . Talk to him and take your time. Even when it’s difficult, use simple sentences without too many negatives. Complicated structures can be hard to understand. Give him time to express himself. At home, things may take longer. He needs to feel heard. He is becoming an individual in his own right, and he needs your attention.

Try to set boundaries and rules for him. That’s how he will develop. If you can, don’t get angry—be firm instead. Your child truly needs structure. The more consistent you are, the more you’ll help ease this phase. It’s not a magic formula, but it does take patience—even if it’s sometimes easier said than done. Above all, don’t feel guilty.

In addition to communicating with your child, don’t forget to talk to other adults. This can be your partner, a family member, a friend, or a professional—but keep talking, especially if you’re at your wit’s end. It also gives you space to share your emotions and frustrations. This difficult period of the terrible twos can pass more easily and peacefully. Make it a rite of passage for your family life. It doesn’t have to feel complicated or insurmountable. Take a step back and time for yourself is a good way to get through this period in your child's life.

Love: reassuring your child during this developmental period

At this age, your baby needs love. Despite a growing desire for independence, they still need tenderness. So take the opportunity to give them hugs and kisses. You can also create moments in your day—rituals that give them reliable reference points. These tender moments are refuges for little ones. They feel loved and safe.

When your child has a tantrum, you can help them calm down by talking to them first. Then, if they continue, you can let them release their anger. Just like us adults, toddlers also need to express their emotions.

You can also separate them in their room for a few minutes. Once they start to calm down, resume the dialogue. You can spend some time with them to change the subject.

It can be helpful to practice positive reinforcement. This means praising your child when they manage to calm down on their own. To do this, give them a hug and tell them you’re proud of them. When faced with such anger, it’s normal to feel helpless. Give your child time to work through the feeling. Once the episode is over, show tenderness rather than guilt. Remind yourself that this is a developmental stage , an almost unavoidable passage. It can look different from one child to another, and parents also have different tolerance thresholds. But try to relax—it’s one of the best choices you can make.

Showing your child that you trust them is also a sign of love. You can encourage them and teach them to make their own choices.

The compromise: learning to manage the emotions of children (and parents)

Confrontation is not the right option. You’ll waste a lot of energy, when you can instead accept the situation. Be careful: this doesn’t mean giving in. We encourage you to stay the course. Don’t let go of your principles and boundaries. However, take a step back and propose compromises instead .

Your child needs to assert their choices. You, on the other hand, have daily routines to manage, obligations, and a duty to protect them. Instead of forcing your child to get dressed, you can offer a choice between blue pants and red pants. If they don’t want to eat, suggest helping you in the kitchen or choosing whether they’ll eat broccoli or carrots. It may seem strange, but you’re actually creating connection. You’re involving your child in decisions. Of course, sometimes you don’t have the time, energy, or desire—and that’s okay. But building these new habits will help you find balance .

Of course, you’re being a little clever, but your child will feel involved. He is at an age where he is growing up. He needs attention, but also independence. In this way, you create an environment that supports his emotional development. His behavior will settle down—and you will, too, along the way.