As your baby approaches two years old, you may feel like they have completely transformed. That tender, loving little one you knew may begin to have more frequent meltdowns. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed or lost. Don’t worry—this phase is absolutely normal: it’s the two-year crisis period, popularly known as the terrible twos. Of course, this isn’t the most pleasant stage of your child’s development, but it is normal and necessary. In the following article, we’ll explain what it involves and how to manage this stage so you can get through it in the best possible way. Will you join us?

What are the terrible twos?

The two-year-old crisis can be truly bewildering and exhausting, but it’s important to know that it’s completely normal. Around the age of two, your child begins building their own personality. To do that, they start to understand that they are a separate person from their caregivers—someone who can make their own decisions. Often, their choices differ greatly from yours, which is why conflicts arise. Keep in mind that, at this stage, your little adventurer’s brain is developing rapidly, along with their emotional regulation and language skills. Tantrums are simply expressions of anger and frustration when they can’t yet communicate their feelings with words.

How do they manifest?

Some children show the terrible twos more clearly and explosively than others, but it’s usually easy to spot. You may notice that your little one becomes more oppositional as they build their individuality and try to push back against your authority. As a result, “no” often rises to the top of their vocabulary. During this two-year-old crisis, your little adventurer may also have mood swings: they can get upset easily, switching from laughter to tears in an instant. They may cling to you one moment and pull away the next. Their relationships with other children can sometimes become more complicated (they may start biting, pushing, or having more conflicts with their peers…). And it’s likely they’ll test the limits you set and try to push them a little further. That’s when they may express their frustration through tantrums: crying, shouting, or physical outbursts.

What are the triggers of the crises?

Very often, crises linked to the terrible twos happen during key moments in daily life, such as mealtimes or getting dressed. These are actions you repeat every day and, for that reason, they can easily become a source of conflict. Resisting what their trusted adult asks them to do helps them assert their individuality. At the same time, their inability to express themselves clearly can fuel frustration and anger. As a result, they may express these feelings loudly and suddenly.

At this age, your little adventurer has trouble controlling and understanding their emotions. They may also struggle to understand other people’s emotions: when an adult gets angry, their brain can have difficulty processing what’s happening. The same goes for interactions with peers. Little by little, they will learn to recognize their own emotions and those of others, and to become less egocentric. The two-year-old crisis may feel long and complex, but fortunately, it does come to an end.

How to manage the terrible twos and their tantrums

The terrible twos can be exhausting, both for children and for their parents. You may wonder when it will end—and that’s completely normal. You’re human! There isn’t one single way to navigate this stage, and there’s no magic recipe. However, below we share some tips to help you manage the terrible twos in the best possible way.

Communication: crucial for the two-year crisis

Communication is key in raising children, even from before birth. When your child gets upset, it’s often because they can’t communicate what they feel: they need to express their emotions, but they don’t yet have the words, and that frustration can lead to a tantrum. To help, talk to them once they’re calmer and show them that you want to listen and understand. Preventing a crisis often works very well. Anticipating an event or change can be helpful, as can avoiding, as much as possible, situations that tend to trigger conflict. Try to establish simple limits and rules, too. Your little one needs a map—a clear framework—but it shouldn’t be rigid, and you don’t need to cover everything at once.

Love: essential for healthy development

Love is necessary at every stage of life. It helps us grow, supports us, and lifts us up.
Even though your little adventurer wants to claim their independence, love and tenderness should always be present. Take the opportunity to offer more hugs and kisses because, as child psychologist Rosa Jové said, we need love most when it seems we least deserve or need it.
Love is always a refuge: it helps us feel safe and cared for, which supports well-being and self-esteem.

When your child has a tantrum, you can help by allowing them to release their anger. Just like adults, young children need to express their emotions, too. Once they begin to calm down, start talking to them again and offer a hug. Give your child time to move through the emotion, and once the episode is over, it’s best to respond with tenderness rather than guilt. Remind yourself often that the two-year-old crisis is a developmental stage—an almost inevitable step. Every child experiences it differently, and every parent has a different tolerance threshold. But take a breath: one of the best choices you can make is to show your child that you trust them and love them unconditionally.

Emotional learning: it is vital to manage emotions together

Confrontation isn’t the best option—you’ll only drain your energy. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set boundaries or that your little adventurer should take full control, but it’s true that your child needs space to assert their choices. You can start with clothing: be more flexible and let them decide what to wear. If they don’t want to eat, offer healthy alternatives. Involve them in decisions and let them participate. They need attention and guidance, but also opportunities to develop autonomy and personality. They must learn about emotions and how to manage them, but as adults, we also need to keep practicing and reflecting on our own emotional regulation. How do you channel anger? And rage? Do you know how to stay flexible? The terrible twos will pass, but the bond you build during this stage will remain. Build it together.