Your way: Breastfeeding or bottle-feeding?

In family life, you repeatedly find yourself in situations where you have to make a decision and ask yourself, "What is the best for my child?". When well-meaning advice from your environment and self-proclaimed experts also come into play, it can be quite unsettling.

There is usually not just one correct answer. Instead, each family must find their own, individual way. We say: it's time to be yourself. With LILLYDOO. That’s why in this series of articles, we want to talk with moms and dads about various major parenting questions and hear how they made their decisions.

Do I want to breastfeed as a mother? And if so, for how long? How does it affect the relationship with my baby if I, as the father, give the bottle? Will my child suffer from allergies later if they do not receive breast milk? There are hardly any topics about which there are as many controversial opinions – both options for initial nutrition are repeatedly judged and are associated with prejudices. It is not uncommon for breastfeeding mothers to be met with critical looks in public. At the same time, parents are criticized for giving their child a bottle and thus supposedly offering only the "second best." It is often overlooked that this decision is not solely in the hands of the parents, for example, if breastfeeding does not work out or circumstances do not permit it. Likewise, there is not only "the one" or "the other," but a range of combination options in between. In this article, a mom and a dad share their stories of breastfeeding and bottle-feeding, including the advantages and disadvantages.

Alessandra breastfed her daughter Arianna (3)

"Even before her birth, I knew I wanted to breastfeed my daughter. In my opinion, it is simply the best and most natural thing you can give to your child. Breastfeeding was my favorite moment of the day during this time; it was our shared moment that we enjoyed together. There are so many moms who would love to breastfeed their baby but cannot, so we were very lucky."

Although the breastfeeding start with my daughter was a bit bumpy, with a little practice it finally went well. Even though it was difficult at first, I didn't want to switch to infant formula because I had so much milk. Until she was five months old, I breastfed Arianna exclusively. When I returned to my job at seven months, we started replacing the midday breastfeeding session so she could get used to it gradually. Still, I continued to breastfeed her in the mornings and evenings until she was 15 months old. When she finally started having breakfast with us, I only breastfed her to fall asleep. That was the easiest way for me to help her fall asleep. At two years old, I planned to wean completely, but our pediatrician advised against it. At that time, we had just moved, Arianna had started nursery school acclimatization, and I had a new job – so there was quite a lot going on. Only after we realized after two months that she was doing well with all the changes did I actually stop breastfeeding, which fortunately went smoothly without any problems.

When I breastfed in public, I sometimes received sideways glances, as if I was doing something scandalous. That did upset me, after all, breastfeeding is something completely natural. When my daughter turned one year old, people started asking why I was still breastfeeding. However, I never let that influence me; the only advice I followed was that of our pediatrician. He encouraged me to breastfeed for as long as I felt ready to stop. I would have been willing to continue breastfeeding even longer. But as my daughter became more independent, I realized that the right time to stop had come and I wanted to give her this independence as well.

Of course, it's not always easy and not everyone has a choice.

Also, the bottle has its advantages, for example that the father can also feed his baby.

Additionally, it can be hard to always align oneself and one's daily routine with the needs of the child.

While you can try to breastfeed on a regular schedule, this isn't always possible: when your child is hungry, you as the mother need to be available for breastfeeding.

This naturally limits your own flexibility.

The fact that I can no longer just do whatever I want, but also have to consider the needs of my daughter, was both difficult and beautiful for me.

But I know that we were very lucky and that many mothers do not ask themselves whether they should breastfeed. want , but whether they are breastfeeding can . When it goes smoothly, breastfeeding is a wonderful experience. But if it makes you nervous or tense, your child will feel that too. Don't force yourself into anything and do what feels best for you, because in the end, that's also the best for your child."

All three children (two daughters and a son) of Andreas have received the bottle.

„All our children received a bottle. After birth, my wife tried to breastfeed them every time in the hospital, but none of the children would latch on; they simply didn't want to drink. Continuing to force it doesn't make sense, and with our third child, we were very relaxed. We had seen with the other two that children can grow up healthy with a bottle as well. So, we started giving the bottle right in the hospital each time.“

What actually came about due to external circumstances turned out – at least for me – to be even the better option. Through the bottle, I had completely different opportunities to take care of my children. When breastfeeding, a man feels somewhat helpless on the side. When giving a bottle, a dad cannot just rely on saying "I can't do anything anyway," but must take care of them just as much as the mother. In my opinion, that’s how it should ultimately be for a father, and that’s exactly what’s wonderful about being a dad. We weren't dependent on mom being there all the time; it was just as sufficient when dad was there and could take care of things. I always took over the night shifts with my children and fed them when they were hungry at night. I really enjoyed being able to care for our children in every way just like my wife. The children have understood from a young age that food and affection are not only from mom. Even today, they know they can turn to both of us for all their needs.

Another advantage for me was that you can also give the bottle anywhere on the go. Of course, you can theoretically breastfeed everywhere, but it's usually not that easy, for example when it's very cold outside. With the bottle, it was much easier; we always had everything prepared: a thermos with boiled water, the baby bottle, and individual portions of formula. The diaper bag was always with us anyway, so the bottle didn't make much of a difference. When the little ones are hungry, it sometimes has to be very quick, and the bottle can be prepared faster than finding a place to breastfeed.

I personally see no disadvantages of the bottle compared to breastfeeding. The argument that children develop stronger immune systems through breastfeeding is, of course, valid, but it does not necessarily mean that bottle-fed children are automatically less healthy, as we are happily seeing with our children. They also received closeness and love just the same, regardless of where the nourishment came from. I cannot name anything that they missed out on because of the bottle.

From the outside, we didn't receive any reactions at all to giving our children the bottle. People were at most surprised at how quickly we prepared the bottle. ;) But opinions from others shouldn't really influence you anyway. My advice is simply to do what the child wants. If it breastfeeds, great! But if it doesn't work out, I wouldn't think twice and give them the bottle – your child won't hold it against you.

Time to be yourself

Thanks to Alessandra and Andreas for sharing their personal stories with us! The two experiences of our LILLYDOO parents highlight only two of the many ways to feed your baby and show that each option has its advantages and disadvantages. No matter which decision you make or have to make regarding the question “Breastfeeding or bottle-feeding?”: there will always be critical voices. The main thing is that you know your child is well cared for and that you feel comfortable with your decision. Whatever it may be, we wish you all the best on that journey!