Your path: wish caesarean section or natural birth?
In family life, you repeatedly find yourself in situations where you have to make a decision and ask yourself, "What is the best for my child?". When well-meaning advice from your environment and self-proclaimed experts also come into play, it can be quite unsettling.
There is usually not just one correct answer. Instead, each family must find their own, individual way. We say: it's time to be yourself. With LILLYDOO. That’s why in this series of articles, we want to talk with moms and dads about various major parenting questions and hear how they made their decisions.
This includes especially the birth, which probably concerns all expectant parents. While some women are certain from the start about what kind of birth they want, others face the question "How should my child come into the world?". In this article, two mothers share which choice they made, how they arrived at this decision, and how the birth of their child ultimately went.
Mel with Marie (10 years) and Amelie (1.5 years) gave birth to her second daughter via planned cesarean section.
"The birth of my first daughter was spontaneous; after only five and a half hours, she was born without complications or birth injuries. Actually a dream birth. However, the contractions were so traumatic for me that I immediately knew I didn't want to experience that again and that I would prefer a cesarean section for the next birth. I like to have control, and I felt an absolute loss of physical control during the spontaneous birth."
My original preferred hospital does not perform elective cesarean sections, not even after a traumatic birth in the past. Instead, they tried to persuade me to attempt a spontaneous delivery first. However, I absolutely did not want that. At the next hospital, an elective cesarean was fortunately no problem. I felt well taken care of there from the very beginning, even when not everything went according to plan during the birth: Due to my intense fear, my adrenaline levels were so high that the local anesthesia did not work properly. As a result, what was planned as a spinal anesthesia ultimately became a general anesthesia.
You often hear about attachment issues between mother and child after a cesarean section, and I actually felt that in the first few days after birth. Of course, I loved my baby from the very beginning, but perhaps also due to the general anesthesia, the first days were quite unreal and different from a spontaneous birth, and I needed some time to truly settle in. It wasn't as bad as many opponents of cesarean sections portray, but there is some truth to that objection for me. Another disadvantage of a cesarean was that I couldn't hold my baby as the first person. At least my husband was lucky enough to do so. It was only about an hour to an hour and a half after birth that I was truly awake and able to hold my daughter and experience her consciously. The time in the hospital after birth was still a beautiful experience for me and my family.
I think it's great that, through planned cesarean sections, there is now this opportunity for self-determination, allowing every mother to decide how she brings her child into the world.
The pain after the was significantly stronger than after a natural birth. It must be clear that neither of the two options is pain-free. You either have the pain during childbirth or afterwards. After a spontaneous birth, I was able to take care of my daughter immediately and was relatively quickly mobile again. After the cesarean section, this was unthinkable; in the first few days, I couldn't care for my daughter myself, my husband changed her and handed her to me for feeding.
I only told my parents and best friends that I chose a planned cesarean section. My mother didn’t understand at first; she was worried about me because of the surgery. However, she knew that nothing else was an option for me and didn’t interfere. To the extended family and acquaintances, we said that the cesarean was medically necessary to avoid potential negative reactions. As a candidate for a planned cesarean, one is often subject to a lot of criticism, even online. I believe that everyone must decide for themselves what is right. Despite everything, I would choose a cesarean again and never again a spontaneous birth. The way it happened was absolutely right for me, and I do not regret my decision at all. If a mother goes into a natural birth with the wrong attitude or under coercion, that’s also not good and can lead to complications. Just because someone had a cesarean doesn’t mean they are a worse mother!
My advice to other moms is therefore not to let yourself be influenced by others at all costs. Instead, you should look inward, listen to your own feelings, and then follow through with what you believe is right.
Alexandra with Catalina (1 year), had a natural birth at the birth center
"I looked at several options before the birth: hospitals, midwife-led birthing centers, and the birth house. I found the rather sterile delivery room in the hospital not at all comparable to the cozy atmosphere of the birth house. During pregnancy, I often felt that doctors tried to impose their opinions on me. Therefore, during the birth, I didn't want to be at the mercy of the doctors' decisions or experience medical interventions, but solely be cared for by midwives. My family was initially not enthusiastic about the idea of a birth house, but when my husband and I attended the first consultation together, it became clear to us that we wanted to go to the birth house. I then completed childbirth preparation and all prenatal check-ups there, except for ultrasound examinations. It was clear to me that the birth would also take place there and without pain medication like epidurals and the like."
The birth itself lasted a total of 29 hours and was very exhausting. Throughout the entire time, two midwives and a midwifery student were present, always supporting me. They also took care of my husband during the long hours but also withdrew when we wanted to be alone. The atmosphere was really lovely. I was allowed to choose a room beforehand, there was a lovingly prepared bed, a wonderful bathtub, candles were lit, and it smelled of lavender.
Unfortunately, the birth did not go entirely as planned in the end, and I experienced very strong contractions for nine hours in between, without making any progress. At some point, I couldn't go on and thought I wouldn't be able to bring my child into the world on my own strength. Although the midwives assured me that everything was fine and encouraged me, I decided to go to the hospital anyway. After 28 hours at the birthing center and one hour in the hospital, my daughter was born healthy (and without medical interventions) there – in retrospect, I still felt that the birth took place in the .
In the birth house, only midwives are present, no doctor or physician. Emergency care with an IV drip and some other equipment is also available there. If there had been complications during the birth and the midwives felt that my child or I might be in danger, they would have immediately transferred me to the hospital 600 meters away. I can also understand the fears some people have. Anyone who is afraid of pain and knows from the beginning that they want an epidural should go to the hospital for the birth. Especially after this 28-hour labor, I do not judge anyone for that decision.
Four hours after birth, we then went home, lay down in bed, and cuddled. The midwives from the birth center came for follow-up care every day. That was the best thing we could have done.
It was a great feeling to experience the birth completely naturally without pain medication.
I believe that many women think that they have to go to a hospital for childbirth and that many are not even aware of birth centers and other options for natural birth outside of a hospital. Some women may also be unsettled by doctors when they advise against birth centers.
I would advise expectant parents to explore several options and seek good advice. I was mainly convinced by the excellent care provided by the midwives, who completely alleviated my fear of childbirth and were continuously by my side. The midwives do a wonderful, caring job for mother, child, and father – they deserve high praise for that. I can only recommend a birth center to anyone choosing a natural birth.
Time to be yourself
Thank you very much, dear Mel and dear Alexandra, for sharing your experiences with us so openly! Of course, the reports from the two moms can only give a small impression of how diverse and individual births are. Even if you cannot always influence the course, the most important thing is that you feel as comfortable and safe as possible during this intimate experience. What that looks like varies from mom to mom and depends, among other things, very much on your gut feeling. Therefore, don't let good advice unsettle you, but choose the option that feels best for you. No matter which choice you make, we wish you a wonderful birth!