Dad, Dad and twins

On International Family Day on May 15th, LILLYDOO wants to celebrate family. Because family is one of the most beautiful and important pillars in life. But not all families are the same. And that's a good thing! Five families – representing the enriching diversity of families that exist – have given us insight into their lives. We are excited to share their fascinating and very personal stories with you here. Maybe you'll see yourself and your family reflected in one or two places? But even if your family looks very different, it surely also brings that extra dose of happiness and love into your life.

This time: Constantin, 31, and his partner Per live in a registered civil partnership in Munich. In our article, Constantin describes how it came about that an American surrogate mother is now carrying their twins. He also shares insights into his life on his Instagram channel .

My husband Per and I have decided to have twins with the help of an American surrogate mother. Of course, this is still a rather unconventional family situation. But with this post, which I am sharing on the occasion of International Family Day for LILLYDOO which I have written, I want to show how diverse German families really are.

Our twins are due to arrive in early August, and we are incredibly excited to finally hold both of them in our arms for the first time. However, it has taken some time to reach this point in our lives: My husband and I first met through online dating. At that time, we worked in different cities: I lived in Munich, and my husband in Rotterdam. After two days of back-and-forth texting, we met for the first time for a drink at Gärtnerplatz in Munich. This was followed by a visit to Rotterdam. We traveled back and forth diligently and eventually became a couple. From the beginning, it was not immediately clear to us that we wanted children. It took us about two years to even arrive at the same place and start living together. Once we had overcome the challenge of fundamental questions, such as whether to keep the toilet seat up or down, we decided that we wanted to get married. In Germany, however, this still does not mean "marriage" for two men, but rather a "civil partnership." Right after that, I developed the idea that it would be incredibly wonderful to be a family with children. I then opened the door to my husband with this idea, and we dedicated ourselves quite specifically to it.

Surrogacy instead of adoption

First of all, we dealt with whether and how we could adopt a child or baby. We were very impressed by how open and professional the Munich Youth Welfare Office explained the topic of adoption to a same-sex couple. The conclusion for us regarding adoption was that there are very many suitable parents in a city like Munich who would like to adopt. In contrast, there are only very few children or babies available for adoption. The chances of actually becoming adoptive parents are not very high – for my husband and me, this chance as a homosexual couple would have been even lower. At this point, we decided that we wanted to pursue surrogacy. We decided to do surrogacy in the USA because we are still convinced that the risk of exploiting someone through our own desire for children is lowest there. For example, surrogate mothers in California must already have biological children themselves. It is about ensuring that the woman who decides to become a surrogate mother does not perhaps have an unfulfilled desire to have children herself and is now carrying a pregnancy for another couple for money. Because the surrogate mother has her own children and there is no biological connection to the offspring from the surrogacy, it minimizes emotional burdens. In the USA, surrogacy generally involves two women: an egg donor and a surrogate mother. The contact between the egg donor, the surrogate mother, and the intended parents – the IPs – usually occurs through agencies. That was also the case for us. Of course, you also need medical professionals who specialize in . And good lawyers as well, to ensure that it is very clearly regulated whose children are growing up.

For our decision, we have so far actually received more positive feedback from our environment. Our families and closest friends think it's just right. Sometimes, you notice that someone reacts very briefly to what we see as the overwhelmingly wonderful news. Then you think: “Does that person now have concerns because they don't think I'm a great father, or is it simply the fact that we are two dads that provokes rejection?” However, no one has openly criticized us for starting a family as two men.

The future with the twins

As for the future, I currently imagine everyday life with very young infants – and two of them. So I also have respect for the first few months. Based on everything I've heard from friends and family, maybe we shouldn't ask ourselves too often in the near future how things should be. I have decided to be a good dad and, no matter what comes, to accept it as the very special thing it actually is. It would be a bit crazy if I overcome huge hurdles to become a dad, have the great luck that it works out, and now expect the children to sleep through the night and always smile.

What I am most looking forward to is offering my children many interesting opportunities. My own parents made a lot of effort to introduce us to instruments, took me to ballet classes, were active with us in nature conservation, baked tons of cookies, or simply performed the next puppet theater at home. So I really look forward to doing all these things again that I loved so much as a child, and maybe a few more that I don't even know myself, but could be the hidden, future passions of my children. I know that Per is the right person by my side because we share the same goals in life. We share the same fundamental beliefs, even if we can be very different in individual cases. As a team, however, we are a wonderful complement to each other and enrich each other. I don't have to be afraid of always having to be strong with my husband. When life comes around the corner with a difficult situation, I know that my husband is fully there where it becomes too much for one person alone.

I hope that we will become a truly happy family and of course I wish for the future that we all stay healthy. I also hope that we become parents who can give their children everything they need for a good start in life. It would be wonderful to hear from the kids someday that they are proud that I am their dad.