Becoming a father: Childbirth as an obstetrician

When it comes to topics related to pregnancy and childbirth, it is natural that expectant mothers are often in focus. No wonder, after all, they do something truly amazing during birth. But what about all the dads who support them along the way?

We want to give fathers a voice in this column! Every two weeks, a different dad shares his very personal perspective on the birth. Preemies or multiples? Water birth or ? Our LILLYDOO dads share their very personal birth experiences and have plenty to tell.

Few expectant fathers have probably been present at numerous other deliveries before the birth of their own child. But this is different for Konstantin from Kassel, as he works as an assistant doctor in the field of gynecology and obstetrics. On his YouTube channel "" and his eponymous , he shares his expertise on topics from contraception to . In this edition of our column, he reveals that even an expert can sometimes feel less composed during the birth of his own daughter and how this experience has changed his work as a gynecologist.

1. Have you prepared yourself in any way for the birth, and do you feel that it has helped you in any way?

Because I have personally been present at many births as an obstetrician, it was naturally a special case for us. During the preparation, I more or less guided my wife rather than preparing myself as a dad for the birth. Due to my prior knowledge, it simply wasn't necessary. We talked a lot beforehand, for example, went through a few scenarios of what could happen during the birth. I also prepared my wife for some worst-case situations. I generally think acquiring some prior knowledge is sensible – both for men and women – in order to approach the matter less naively and unprepared.

However, it was very clear to us early on that I would only accompany pregnancy and childbirth in my role as husband and dad, not as a doctor. Of course, my wife has come to me with a question once in a while, and I have also done a once, but I wasn't sitting at the ultrasound machine all day looking at our daughter. ;)

2. How did the birth go and how did you experience it?

Ironically, I was actually on duty on the day of the birth. After my wife woke up in the morning with mild , I first swapped my shift. Like probably all expectant parents, we then reached the point after a few hours where we asked ourselves whether we should already go to the hospital. But what is a gynecologist husband for? ;) As the contractions became more intense and came at shorter intervals, I actually became medically involved with my wife for the first and only time and felt her cervix. Since the cervix was already somewhat open, it was then clear that we were going to set off.

We chose the clinic where I also work. So I was familiar with the facilities, the staff, and so on, and we were basically treated as VIPs there. Once we arrived in the delivery room, everything happened very quickly, and we had a very beautiful, relatively uncomplicated birth overall. For us as a couple, it was almost an exhilarating experience – even for me, as a doctor who has witnessed so many births.

There was a period of about 20 minutes where I didn't like my wife at all, because her circulation collapsed and she was barely responsive. I was really uncertain for a moment and even asked the midwife. Maybe my prior knowledge even increased my uncertainty, because I knew what could all happen. For the first time, I could understand what other men go through during a birth, who have never experienced it and have no idea what is normal and what isn't. Since then, I also have the greatest respect for the men in the delivery room, whom I previously looked down on from time to time. Since I experienced a myself, I have a completely different perspective. This experience has fundamentally changed my view.

3. Is there something you would do differently during the next birth?

No, not at all. As I said, it was a really great birth. In advance, I was often asked: „Are you inviting a friend who is a midwife for a home birth? Or how do you do it?“ But I think I would always go to the hospital again, if possible, also again outpatient. After the birth, we were only in the delivery room for two or three hours and then went straight home. We really enjoyed being able to be in our own four walls with our daughter.

There is one thing my wife somewhat regrets, namely not attending a proper . She thought at the time that it wasn't necessary if her husband was a professional. Of course, we both talked a lot about the birth, but the exchange with other pregnant women and the opportunity to meet other expectant mothers did indeed seem to be missing a little. She would probably do things differently in the preparation next time, but regarding the birth itself, we both wouldn't want to change anything.

4. What would you recommend to other dads for childbirth preparation?

I would definitely recommend to men, if possible, to attend the childbirth preparation course. Some exercises may seem a bit silly, but you can take the whole thing with a bit of humor. This way, you won't be completely clueless next to your partner during the birth. I have always recommended to the women I care for as a doctor to attend a course, but the fact that I now also strongly advise men has definitely changed through the birth of my daughter. I realized how uncertain one can feel even as a professional when you see your wife suffering excruciating pain and can only stand by awkwardly. If you then go into this situation completely naive, you can support your wife even less.

Some men also worry about passing out during childbirth because they can't stand the sight of blood. But there's really no need to be afraid: if you feel dizzy, just sit down. No one will mock you for that; it's completely normal. After all, childbirth is really exhausting for both parties. Of course, the woman is much more so, that's clear, but the dads are also quite drained afterwards. So, it's best to bring a little snack and something to drink.

And my third piece of advice: You should prepare to get to know your partner all over again. It might be that she has no control over her bladder and bowels due to the pressure during labor, that she is bleeding, or that she behaves completely differently than you're used to because of the pain... You probably haven't seen your wife like this before, but that's really nothing to worry about. The important thing is to talk about it, both before and afterwards, so that neither of you go home totally shocked. ;) In summary, one can say: Communication is super important when it comes to childbirth!