They say, “Friends are the family you choose.” Like any other relationship, friendships change over time, often depending on individual life circumstances. Few changes are as significant as the birth of a child, which can turn everyday life upside down at first. In this article, you’ll learn how becoming a parent can influence your friendships, why it’s especially important to have loved ones around you during this phase, and how you can find new Baby Buddies who are in the same situation as you.
How friendships change with becoming parents
On average, each person has three close friends and maintains about 12 to 16 more casual friendships. Perhaps among your friends are those favorite people you’ve known forever—people who have accompanied you through different phases of life. Of course, you want that to stay the same once your little explorer arrives. But especially in the first year or two with a baby, a lot changes. Suddenly, a little person is at the center of your life and needs a lot from you. There’s often little time or energy left for spontaneous meetups and activities. This can feel unfamiliar to your friends and may even cause some to react negatively. At the same time, you’re finding your way into your new role as a mom or dad. You may suddenly feel misunderstood by childless friends who expect your relationship to continue as before and can’t relate to what you’re experiencing.
Good friends are incredibly important during this time—despite, or perhaps because, so much changes with the birth of your baby. After the birth, you’re at home with your child; at first, times of day may blur together, and your routine often revolves around breastfeeding, changing, and carrying. Even if you and your partner are constantly with your baby, you may still feel isolated in this new routine at times. That’s when friends become a vital connection outside the baby bubble: even if they don’t have children yet, good friends can offer encouragement and reassurance when you’re feeling unsure—after all, they know you like hardly anyone else. In moments when your world feels limited to the changing table and the crib, they bring the outside world to you. Talking about other topics is helpful and can give you a fresh perspective. Especially when your own family lives far away, good friends are irreplaceable for new moms and dads. Your relationship will undoubtedly change—but in the best case, you’ll get to know and appreciate your friends in a whole new way.
Maintain old friendships
Even if you intend for your new parenting role not to change your life, you’ll quickly realize that friendships are often redefined after the birth of a child. No wonder—because with a baby, not only do your priorities shift, but plans also require a new level of flexibility. Some friends (with or without children) may suddenly be less present because their daily routines differ so much from yours. We have gathered some tips to help you maintain contact with cherished friends in this new phase.
Plan fixed time slots without the baby whenever possible, during which you and your partner each spend time with friends.
Not all coffee dates work out when your baby isn’t peacefully sleeping in the stroller. Instead, try integrating your friends into your new life as a mom or dad by inviting them over for a meal or going on outings or walks together with your baby.
Save important dates for your friends in your calendar. That way, you won’t forget to wish your girlfriend good luck on her interview day or congratulate your boyfriend on his wedding anniversary in time.
Even if you could burst with pride about your child, leave room in conversations with childless friends for other topics to show that you’re still interested in their lives.
You can show very special friends how much they mean to you, for example, through an (official or unofficial) sponsorship: You are important to me, and I want you to play a role in my child’s life, too.
Shortly after birth, when your child is sick, or during teething: there are always times when meeting up is difficult. During these phases, short phone calls or messages in between can help you stay in touch with your friends.
Talk honestly with your friends about how having a baby has changed things for you and what you want to do to maintain your friendship. This also makes it easier for friends without children to understand you, and you can discuss your mutual expectations.
Finally: don’t put yourself—or others—under pressure. Every friendship goes through different phases, and many things will ease again as your child grows older. Then, short coffee breaks and phone calls can turn back into shared evenings and weekend trips.
Find new parent friends
Even if old friends continue to play an important role, your circle of friends often shifts with parenthood. New friends are often added—people you meet through your little explorer who have children around the same age. Especially in the early months with a baby, it can be helpful to exchange ideas with other parents and ask for advice. You may find it easier to share concerns with other moms and dads who have had similar experiences and truly understand your situation. At the same time, it’s often easier to stay connected with other parents whose daily life looks similar to yours. It’s especially wonderful when these parent connections grow into lifelong friendships and your child grows up alongside your friends’ children. We have gathered some ideas on how this can work:
Pregnancy and parental leave offer many opportunities to meet other parents. Say hello to other moms and dads you meet in the childbirth preparation course , during postnatal yoga, or in a crawling class. Chances are good that they’re also looking for like-minded people to connect with.
To make sure parenthood isn’t the only thing connecting you, shared interests matter, too. Look for courses, places, or events that aren’t only interesting for your child, but also for you. In addition to music groups and sports courses, cities in particular often offer museum tours designed specifically for families with young children.
Find new Baby Buddies with the LILLYDOO App
Maybe you and your partner moved during pregnancy and still need to build your network, or perhaps at the playground or in the crawling class there simply wasn’t a mom or dad you “clicked” with. In that case, try the Baby Buddies features of the LILLYDOO App , which help you find digital families near you that match your preferences. How does it work? Simply log in with your LILLYDOO account or register in the app. Then you can create a profile with your name, age, and photo, and introduce yourself and your family in a short text. Next, enter your postal code and set the search radius, and potential Baby Buddies will be suggested nearby. If you like a family’s profile, give it a “Like” by swiping right; to keep searching, swipe left. If you both like each other, a match is created, and you can communicate directly via the chat function and get to know each other better. Who knows—maybe you and your Baby Buddy will become lifelong friends and soon tackle the daily baby routine together.
Becoming a parent is a beautiful, but also challenging, phase of life. It’s all the more wonderful when you can share it with new Baby Buddies —people you might never have met without your little explorer. Maintaining old friendships may become a bit more complicated, but it can be just as rewarding. After all, your friendship “family” is growing with a little person your friends will surely be excited to get to know.
