When it comes to pregnancy and childbirth, it’s natural that expectant mothers are often the focus. No wonder—after all, they do something truly amazing during birth. But what about all the dads who support them along the way?

We want to give fathers a voice in this column! Every two weeks, a different dad shares his very personal perspective on birth. Preemies or multiples? Water birth or ? Our LILLYDOO dads share their very personal birth experiences and have plenty to tell.

Few expectant fathers have likely been present at many other deliveries before the birth of their own child. But Konstantin from Kassel is different: he works as an assistant doctor in gynecology and obstetrics. On his YouTube channel "" and his eponymous , he shares his expertise on topics ranging from contraception to . In this edition of our column, he reveals that even an expert can sometimes feel less composed during the birth of his own daughter—and how this experience has changed his work as a gynecologist.

1. Have you prepared yourself in any way for the birth, and do you feel that it has helped you in any way?

Because I had personally been present at many births as an obstetrician, it was naturally a special situation for us. During the preparation, I more or less guided my wife rather than preparing myself as a dad for the birth. With my prior knowledge, it simply didn’t feel necessary. We talked a lot beforehand—for example, we went through a few scenarios of what could happen during the birth. I also prepared my wife for some worst-case situations. In general, I think gaining some prior knowledge makes sense—for both men and women—so you can approach everything less naively and more prepared.

However, it was clear to us early on that I would accompany pregnancy and childbirth only in my role as husband and dad, not as a doctor. Of course, my wife came to me with a question now and then, and I also did an once, but I wasn’t sitting at the ultrasound machine all day looking at our daughter. ;)

2. How did the birth go and how did you experience it?

Ironically, I was actually on duty on the day of the birth. After my wife woke up in the morning with mild , I first swapped my shift. Like most expectant parents, we then reached the point after a few hours where we asked ourselves whether we should go to the hospital yet. But what is a gynecologist husband for? ;) As the contractions became more intense and came at shorter intervals, I got medically involved with my wife for the first and only time and checked her cervix. Since it was already somewhat open, it was clear that we needed to set off.

We chose the clinic where I also work. I was familiar with the facilities, the staff, and so on, and we were basically treated like VIPs there. Once we arrived in the delivery room, everything happened very quickly, and overall we had a very beautiful, relatively uncomplicated birth. For us as a couple, it was almost an exhilarating experience—even for me, as a doctor who has witnessed so many births.

There was a period of about 20 minutes when I didn’t like my wife at all, because her circulation collapsed and she was barely responsive. I was really uncertain for a moment and even asked the midwife. Maybe my prior knowledge increased my uncertainty, because I knew what could happen. For the first time, I understood what other men go through during a birth—especially those who have never experienced it and have no idea what is normal and what isn’t. Since then, I’ve had the greatest respect for the men in the delivery room, whom I used to look down on from time to time. Since I experienced a myself, I have a completely different perspective. This experience has fundamentally changed my view.

3. Is there something you would do differently during the next birth?

No, not at all. As I said, it was a really great birth. In advance, I was often asked: „Are you inviting a friend who is a midwife for a home birth? Or how do you do it?“ But I think I would always go to the hospital again, if possible—ideally outpatient again as well. After the birth, we stayed in the delivery room for only two or three hours and then went straight home. We really enjoyed being able to be in our own four walls with our daughter.

There is one thing my wife somewhat regrets: not attending a proper . At the time, she thought it wasn’t necessary if her husband was a professional. Of course, we both talked a lot about the birth, but the exchange with other pregnant women and the opportunity to meet other expectant mothers did seem to be missing a little. She would probably do things differently in the preparation next time, but regarding the birth itself, we both wouldn’t want to change anything.

4. What would you recommend to other dads for childbirth preparation?

I would definitely recommend that men, if possible, attend the childbirth preparation course. Some exercises may seem a bit silly, but you can take it all with a sense of humor. That way, you won’t be completely clueless next to your partner during the birth. I have always recommended that the women I care for as a doctor attend a course, but since the birth of my daughter, I also strongly advise men to do the same. I realized how uncertain you can feel—even as a professional—when you see your wife in excruciating pain and can only stand by awkwardly. If you go into that situation completely naive, it’s even harder to support your wife.

Some men also worry about passing out during childbirth because they can’t stand the sight of blood. But there’s really no need to be afraid: if you feel dizzy, just sit down. No one will mock you for that; it’s completely normal. After all, childbirth is exhausting for both partners. Of course, it’s much more so for the woman, that’s clear, but dads are often quite drained afterward too. So it’s best to bring a small snack and something to drink.

And my third piece of advice: Be prepared to get to know your partner all over again. It might be that she has no control over her bladder and bowels due to the pressure during labor, that she is bleeding, or that she behaves completely differently than you’re used to because of the pain... You probably haven’t seen your wife like this before, but that’s really nothing to worry about. The important thing is to talk about it—both before and afterward—so that neither of you goes home totally shocked. ;) In summary, you could say: Communication is incredibly important when it comes to childbirth!