When it comes to pregnancy and childbirth, it’s natural for expectant mothers to be the focus. No wonder—after all, they do something truly amazing during birth. But what about all the dads who support them along the way?

We want to give fathers a voice in this column! Every two weeks, a different dad shares his very personal perspective on birth. Preemies or multiples? Water birth or C-section? Our LILLYDOO dads share their very personal birth experiences and have plenty to tell.

In this issue of our column, Gerald from the Austrian Mostviertel reports on the birth of his first daughter. It caused quite a bit of worry for him and his wife beforehand because the baby was in breech presentation and didn’t want to turn. Although the first doctor advised them against it, they decided on a natural birth—and have not regretted listening to their own instincts.

1. Have you prepared yourself in any way for the birth, and do you feel that it has helped you in any way?

Before the first birth, my wife attended a birth preparation course, which also included an evening where partners were allowed to join. We did a few relaxation massage exercises and visited the clinic, but unfortunately I couldn’t take much away from the course—especially since the birth ultimately took place in a different hospital.

My wife and I did, however, research the topic thoroughly on our own. The trigger was our baby’s breech presentation. We waited a long time for her to turn and also tried an external version—unfortunately to no avail. The gynecologist then informed us that a cesarean section was necessary. However, since my wife had great trust in a natural birth and we wanted to give the baby that experience, we asked about the option of a spontaneous birth. For the doctor, though, this was not an option, which is why my wife ultimately switched to another gynecologist. We researched extensively and found out that a natural birth is quite possible in the case of breech presentation.

In the past, breech presentations were almost always delivered vaginally, without paying attention to factors that are relevant for breech births. This led to an increased number of complications, which has resulted in doctors in Austria today no longer learning the manual techniques required for a breech birth. Our doctor acquired this knowledge through self-motivation within a professional circle.

If our research had yielded different results, of course we would not have insisted on a natural birth. But everything was also discussed with the doctor, and in his view, there was nothing against it. This showed me that, when preparing, you should trust your own feelings and gather comprehensive information. Our midwife also supported us very empathetically, so in the end I was able to approach the birth with a good feeling.

2. How did the birth go and how did you experience it?

Due to the breech presentation, the delivery had to be induced in the hospital. The midwives supported us very well, and although it was my first birth, it was actually quite uneventful for me overall. Especially in comparison to our second daughter’s birth, I didn’t really have much to do in the hospital. Besides applying cool compresses, ensuring fresh air, and simply being there for my wife, there wasn’t much else I could do. So “uneventful” in the sense that I was more passive because, as a man, you generally can’t help much or intervene significantly.

When the contractions began and the delivery room started to fill up (in the end, about seven people were present), my tension noticeably increased. Our daughter was brought into the world with a special grip technique required for breech presentation. Afterwards, it still took a few seconds before she let out her first cry. Those seconds felt like an eternity to me. But when the first cry finally came, I was very relieved and immediately overwhelmed by an incredibly joyful feeling. You can probably only understand this if you’ve already become a father or mother yourself. In that moment, I was simply completely overwhelmed by my emotions.

3. Is there anything you would have done differently in hindsight?

In hindsight, we probably could have avoided a lot of psychological stress if we had been thoroughly informed at the beginning of the pregnancy. I only really delved into the topic of childbirth when they wanted to schedule the C-section for us due to the breech position. We would probably have been less unsettled at first if we had been better informed, as doctors naturally point out all possible risks. I’ve also noticed in my environment that most people only start informing themselves when something doesn’t go perfectly. To exaggerate, people are more concerned with buying a car than with childbirth. ;) Quite crazy, actually!

Another thing we didn’t regret after the first birth, but consciously chose for the second, was a home birth. In the hospital, we experienced all the hustle and bustle in the shared room after the birth. At home, not only does that commotion disappear, but you also experience a self-determined birth with empathetic, personalized care from the midwife—and from the very beginning, a much calmer and cozier atmosphere. In the clinic, the delivery was, in our opinion, inevitably associated with more stress and tension.

4. What would you recommend to other dads for childbirth preparation?

Building on my answer to the last question: Engage deeply with the topic of childbirth. This is helpful not only during pregnancy, but also during and immediately after birth. Because the woman is already sufficiently occupied, you, as a partner, are also responsible for representing your interests. Therefore, you should be just as familiar with the relevant questions (for example, whether the newborn should receive preventive eye drops or vitamin K). In this context, I also agree with the other dads in this column that communication within the partnership is absolutely essential beforehand.

During the birth, I would recommend turning off your phone and consciously experiencing this special moment. After all, you don’t see every day how new life is born and your world changes all at once. I tried to be as mindful as possible during this beautiful experience and to store it in my memory.