Eventually, it will happen: the first extended period without your darling—for example, when the grandparents want to give you a break by babysitting for a few hours, or when your child starts daycare. Finally, some time for yourself—doesn’t that sound wonderful? In reality, though, many parents find separation quite difficult. Especially moms who, through pregnancy and breastfeeding, feel a close physical connection with their baby often struggle with separation anxiety at first. In this article, you’ll learn why it can be so hard to entrust your baby to someone else and get tips on how to handle that very first separation.

Where does heartbreak come from?

If you find it difficult to entrust your baby to others for a while, that is completely normal. The challenge of accepting this new situation stems from a fundamental human need to hold on to what is familiar. That’s why separation anxiety is a completely natural process (and it’s also perfectly normal if letting go feels easier for you). At the same time, gradually separating from you is an important developmental step for your little explorer. Only in this way can your child learn to see themselves as an independent person, gain new experiences, and build relationships outside the immediate family.

However, some parents worry that a temporary separation from the close physical bond with their baby could also lead to emotional distance. They may fear their baby will feel abandoned, or they may doubt whether other people can truly care for their child as well as they do. This can sometimes be accompanied by an underlying fear of losing control: What if the caregiver doesn’t follow your parenting principles and you can’t intervene? Sometimes, it’s simply the realization that your baby is growing older and won’t need you in the same way that makes letting go so difficult.

Often, moms and dads aren’t fully aware of the reasons behind their heartbreak. In that case, it can help to honestly ask yourself what, exactly, is keeping you so attached. Once you’ve identified the cause(s), it becomes easier to manage the worry.

What can you do about it?

The first step is to accept your heartbreak. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty if other parents find it easier to let go. The same naturally applies the other way around: you are not a bad mother or father just because you occasionally enjoy some time without your little explorer. Even though feelings can vary, exchanging experiences with other parents can be helpful. Chances are there are other moms and dads around you who have had the same worries and can share how they handled them. It can also help to see other caregivers—whether family members, educators, or babysitters—not as substitutes for you, but as an enrichment. First, an enrichment for you, because you can use this time to work or simply catch your breath. Second, an enrichment for your baby, who can gain valuable new experiences during this time that they might not have in their usual environment. And finally, remember: letting go doesn’t mean you’re no longer there for your child, or that you are abandoning them.

How do you prepare yourself and your child for the first extended separation?

The following tips can help you prevent or ease the pain of separation:

• Take small steps: Nobody expects you to be separated from your baby for an entire afternoon right away. That would be too abrupt for your little explorer, because they also need to learn to cope with the fact that you won’t always be with them. First, try how it feels to go into the next room for half an hour while your child plays with their caregiver. Knowing you could come back at any time will help you gradually get used to spending time without your baby. Little by little, you can increase the duration until you eventually leave them for one to two hours. Many daycare centers, by the way, use similar methods for settling in, because they help not only parents but also children slowly build trust and adjust to the new situation.

• Radiate confidence: Children have keen antennas. If you have doubts about leaving your baby with another person, they will sense it, and the separation will be more difficult for them, too. And if your child doesn’t want to let you go, it will naturally make saying goodbye even harder for you. To prevent this vicious cycle from the very beginning, try to approach the new experience positively and convey that confidence to your little explorer.

• Keep a comfort item with you: A comfort blanket or a Photo of your baby can provide comfort during an acute wave of heartbreak and remind you that you’ll soon be able to hold your loved one in your arms again.

• Focus on the moment of reunion: Try not to make the temporary separation a big deal for either you or your baby. Instead, emphasize the moment of reunion when saying goodbye: “I’ll pick you up again in two hours” sounds much more positive than “I’m gone for two hours now.” :)

• Take a break: Even if it’s difficult at first, allow yourself the Time without your baby and use it in a carefree way—whether you focus on your job, run errands, or enjoy quality time with your partner again. Your child benefits more when you pick them up happy and energized than if you’ve spent two hours worrying.

It will likely take some time to get used to spending a few hours without your baby. Learning to let go isn’t a straightforward process, and it can sometimes come with setbacks for both parents and children. But you’ll see: over time, your little explorer will enjoy new contacts and environments more and more, and you’ll be able to enjoy your newfound freedom, too. And the reunion will be even more joyful because of it! :)