Sometimes it’s not easy to seek and accept help from outside—especially when it comes to something as personal as your family life. You don’t have to face your worries and problems alone. It’s completely normal for things not to run smoothly in a family, and for there to be uncertainties in parenting or in handling certain situations. Parenting and family counseling can help you with all kinds of challenges in family life; even if there are no acute problems yet, counseling can provide an important nudge in the right direction. This way, you can regain confidence in yourself and in your role as a mother or father.

Our LILLYDOO expert, Heike vom Heede, offers parenting support herself and helps parents and couples navigate everyday life with all their questions. In the interview, she shares what you need to know about counseling services and why it’s worth stepping out of your comfort zone.

Dear Heike, first of all: Who are you and what exactly do you do?

I am a graduate social pedagogue and founder of the in Düsseldorf. For over 20 years, I have supported expectant and new parents with heart and professional expertise, helping them enjoy all the highs, lows, and challenges of the . I’m fortunate to have turned my profession into a vocation. I am a mother of two now-adult sons, and family life is very important to me in my private life as well. Besides my family and friends, I find strength for all the challenges that await me during regular forest walks and holidays on my favorite island, Formentera.

Responsibilities of Educational Counseling

What is the purpose of educational counseling?

An educational and family counseling center should help with insecurities in family life by finding answers to problems together and developing constructive courses of action. I see my role as recognizing the uniqueness of the parents and children who come to me and supporting them accordingly. Above all, the goal is for parents to rediscover and truly feel their competence in parenting, and to learn to better understand their child—with all their emotions, outbursts, and challenging phases.

What is particularly important to you when advising parents and families?

In my approach, I refer to educational support rather than counseling. That’s because I usually don’t advise families just once; instead, I accompany them over a longer period—both from the outside and, in a way, from within—with heart, expertise, and respect. It’s important to me that everyone I support knows I’m there for them and that I have a broad network around me that can offer the right solutions for many challenges. Part of my secret formula is certainly a respectful and sensitive Umgang miteinander. I’m grateful that families often place a great deal of trust in me and, for example, allow me insight into their private lives during home visits. Something especially meaningful to me is being able to accompany the beginning of life with an infant. This is the phase in which both parents and child are most sensitive. I’m very aware of the responsibility of my work and therefore always look for where parents’ strengths lie—and encourage them to build on them.

In which questions and problems can counseling help?

The topics of educational and family counseling are very diverse and cover everything related to family life : Whether you have a newborn, a toddler, or a teenager—whether you’re a single parent or part of a Patchwork . That’s why parents can visit a counseling center with any uncertainty. I personally follow a holistic concept based on the three pillars "Becoming parents," "being parents," and "staying a couple" . Many parents come to me seeking help with organizing daily life with a child and learning how they can reconcile Family and Career , as well as partnership and parenting. Very specific issues include, for example, difficulties with a child falling asleep or staying asleep, stillness and feeding problems , or when the transition to daycare begins. Questions about Baby Development —such as when they should be able to grasp properly or how to support them in learning to walk—are also common. The older children get, the more questions arise about dealing with digital media and adolescence. All parents should know that, during difficult phases, they can turn to educational and family counseling for support—for example, in cases of grief and separation. This can be a great help. Together, we try to find a way out of every dead end. In some cases, it may also be helpful to seek additional support from pediatricians, therapists, or osteopaths.

When is consulting advisable?

Who would you recommend to go to parenting counseling?

Whenever you, as a mother or father, feel an inner question mark that keeps coming up in your day-to-day life with your child, it’s always worthwhile—alongside visits to the pediatrician—to seek guidance from a parenting counselor.

It shouldn’t feel uncomfortable for anyone to seek help. It’s a very brave decision! No one has to feel alone when it comes to parenting. Sometimes, for example, feedback from doctors or compare among parents can make you doubt yourself, and it may be enough to have someone who simply listens to your worries. And sometimes, more regular support is needed. But no matter what is troubling you: Parenting counseling or support is always helpful when you want to regain a good feeling in family life . Seeking and accepting help is an important first step.

Process of Educational Counseling

How does the typical process of educational and family counseling proceed?

Just as the reasons parents seek counseling vary greatly, the sessions themselves can look quite different. They can take place on-site, at the families' homes, or digitally . The counseling center has the advantage of offering families a protected and neutral space, which often makes it easier to open up. Still, most people share the experience that the first appointment feels especially exciting for mothers, fathers, and children. From a counselor’s perspective, the initial focus is primarily on listening, in order to understand what the concerns are and how intense they feel. Sometimes the main focus is simply on providing comfort—especially when those affected can finally let their tears flow. Once the reason for the appointment has been unpacked, both sides consider how they feel about each other and whether the family can imagine walking this path with the counselor. The sessions that follow can vary widely. Sometimes a few conversations are enough; sometimes more intensive collaboration is needed. I’m always pleased when parents trust me enough that home visits are possible, too. With sleep problems , for example, we’ll look at the sleeping area together. Or, if a child doesn’t like to play, we’ll take a look at how the play corner is set up, how many toys there are, and what could be changed.

It may happen that parents realize after a few sessions that the collaboration with the parenting counselor isn’t working well. In that case, it’s absolutely fine to stop the counseling. If it doesn’t feel like a good fit, you don’t have to go back—and you can still say that you tried. Still, it can help to stay brave and perhaps choose a different counseling center if the issue or concern hasn’t been resolved yet.

Counseling centers

How do I find parenting counseling centers?

In almost every city or municipality, there are government-sponsored counseling services for parents—for example through Diakonie, Caritas, or the Youth Welfare Office . These services are usually free of charge, so anyone can seek help free of charge . The number of hours is often limited, but you can still accomplish a great deal. If parents would like more intensive support, for example with home visits, private educational support may be the right option. Costs vary and should be clarified in advance. However, I can sincerely say—and many parents would agree—that the gift of feeling lighter again as a family makes all the effort and costs worthwhile!

Thank you very much for this insight into the counseling and your concept, dear Heike! Whether you’re facing small or big challenges, parenting counseling can help you and your family feel comfortable again—you don’t have to face your worries and problems alone. We hope we’ve given you a little courage to seek help, and we wish you and your family all the best!