Once you have a baby, completely new questions arise in your life, and suddenly you’re thinking about topics you never would have considered before. It’s a wonderful, exciting time, but we also understand if your head starts to spin at some point!

At LILLYDOO, we believe that you will make the right decisions for yourself and your little explorer. But it also doesn’t hurt to occasionally seek advice from people who deal with these questions every day and are experts in their field. That’s why, in this series of articles, we want to ask experts the questions about pregnancy, birth, and parenthood that all of us have on our minds.

Sarah Maria Röckel Kindsgut

Playing with all the senses

Dear Sarah Maria, what does "playing with all senses" look like?

Parents shouldn’t think of toys in a one-dimensional way, but should consciously encourage children to experience their environment and toys with all their senses. Concretely, this means that books can also be put in the mouth, crochet rattles aren’t only meant to be felt but can also make a rattling sound, and so on. This principle also applies to older children and other toys. Listening to the music made by a child’s guitar with closed eyes or deliberately observing the bright colors not only brings a great deal of mindfulness into everyday life, but also invites children to use all their senses.

And what does "free play" mean?

Free play primarily aims to give children the opportunity to play in a safe environment—without following detailed instructions from parents or other caregivers. Here, they can let their imagination run free. Toys and playthings can be used however children envision them. No rules need to be followed, and repurposing is completely fine. A teddy bear can become a microphone, or a toy car can become a “baby” that gets pushed around. We adults often have a clear idea of how certain things should be played with. If we interfere as little as possible in children’s play, we give them the chance to nurture and express their natural curiosity—exactly as they want. Another tip for free play is to focus on “stuff to play with,” meaning everyday objects, instead of toys. Often, it only takes a few Tupperware containers, a wooden spoon, the sock drawer, or other “stuff” you have at home. When children are allowed to play freely, they turn simple everyday objects into their own magical world with lots of imagination.

The Montessori concept

How can the Montessori concept support these two approaches?

In the Montessori concept, there is the often-quoted phrase, "Help me to do it myself." This mindset can also be implemented through play. The principle of free play is reflected here as well, because it is largely about creating a safe environment for children where they can learn to solve everyday challenges and tasks through play. The Montessori approach therefore strongly advocates for a child-friendly home (and other areas of the home, such as the hallway or bathroom). When toys and clothing are stored in a way that the child can access independently, they will increasingly be able to choose what they want to play with on their own.

Playing with all the senses also plays a major role in Montessori education. Especially listening to music together, making music, and tactile exploration of the environment are central here.

What can you do as a parent to support your child's free play and exploration?

As mentioned above: for free play, you don’t necessarily need toys. Children often discover the most wonderful “toys” in everyday objects. We adults often already have a clear idea of what our children should play with and how exactly they should use certain toys. However, if you give your child space and time to choose what they want to play with, you can quickly observe what they truly enjoy. To discover your own child’s preferences and interests, it makes sense to offer a wide range of toys early on and observe how your child interacts with everyday objects. From this, you can then infer whether the next purchase should perhaps be a ball, a rattle, or a teddy bear.

At what age should my child also sometimes playing alone and keeping oneself busy can?

So-called free play is something that every child engages in to some extent from the very beginning. Even observing the environment or putting their own hands in their mouth at five months old is a playful way for a child to perceive their own body. While children under one year old usually do not engage in solitary play for more than 5 to 10 minutes, a three-year-old often plays alone for between 30 and 60 minutes. As with many aspects of childhood development, it’s important to remember that each child has their own pace. While one child may especially enjoy drawing and crafting, another might spend hours looking at books alone or building towers. With time and a variety of free-play options, parents can generally find out what keeps their child occupied, even for a little while, on their own. But it’s important to keep two things in mind: what fascinates them today can become boring again in a few days—this is completely normal. Children love discovering new things just as much as playing with their favorite toys. The second important point: even during free play, children should never be left completely alone until a certain age. In other words, even if parents aren’t actively playing, they could, for example, sit on the sofa and read a book while the child sits on the carpet next to them with building blocks. This provides the safe framework children feel—and need—to fully immerse themselves in free play.

What are the benefits of "mindful play" in everyday family life?

Practicing mindfulness in everyday life is mainly about perceiving the things around us with undivided attention. Especially in the busy family routine, this can help us be more present in the here and now. For example, when we’re playing on the playground with our children or cuddled up on the sofa reading a book, we should be in the moment—and not constantly drift away into thoughts about the to-do list or even check emails on our phones in between. It also involves recognizing and saying, “Hey, the pile of laundry waiting at home is already annoying me—and that’s why I’m in a bad mood right now.” When we allow and communicate such feelings, they gradually fade into the background. And then we can enjoy even the small, everyday moments much more consciously.

How does gender-sensitive education work in this concept?

For many parents, gender-neutral upbringing is now a fundamental attitude that encompasses almost all areas of life. It’s not just about the colors we dress our children in. It’s also about the language we choose and the qualities we attribute—or do not attribute—to our children. For me, gender-sensitive upbringing ultimately means that my child is allowed to be exactly who they want to be. They can wear the clothes they like best, dream what they want, and play what they enjoy. That’s why I think it’s important to stay in dialogue with our children. When we listen to them and observe them, we quickly notice what they prefer to play with and what excites them most. Specifically, it helps when parents are aware that we carry certain stereotypes in our minds and tend to tell girls to sit still and be good, and to take care of their little brother—while boys are “just roughhousing,” need to learn to be angry, and so on. Rethinking this takes effort. My tip is to ask yourself more often: Would I say this if my child were a different gender? Would I buy this outfit for a boy/a girl? Am I signing my son up for soccer because I know he wants to play, or am I just assuming that all boys love football? Why do I only buy a Barbie for my daughter? Does the children’s shower gel in blue with the knight on it have to be that way? This list could go on forever!

Gender-sensitive gaming

In gender-sensitive parenting, gender-neutral play is also an important aspect. How can families implement this in everyday life?

As long as we can still mostly choose what our children play with, we have the option to opt for gender-neutral toys. This can mean choosing toys that don’t conform to stereotypes like blue and pink—or using anti-stereotypical toys. Dolls are great toys for every child, just like cars and excavators.

By the time they reach kindergarten, it often becomes difficult to keep our children away from gender clichés and stereotypes. But maybe that’s not a problem—because this way, we can actively engage in dialogue with our children and our environment and question the status quo.

How much toy does my child really need, and how can I promote free play/playing with all the senses through the appropriate toys?

Of course, it’s difficult to give an exact number for how many toys children really need. For many, it can certainly be answered with “less than expected.” More and more, we see children sitting in cluttered playrooms, overwhelmed by the sheer variety, and not wanting to play at all. In this case, it’s worth trying the following: Store all toys in boxes that are kept out of the child’s reach. Each week, take out a selection and place it in the child’s room. Then rotate through—only providing part of the total toys at a time. Often, you’ll see that the principle “less is more” already applies to children’s toys.

Another rule of thumb is this: if you try to cover different forms of play (puzzles, accessories for role-playing games, classic board games, dolls and stuffed animals, art supplies, etc.) and also appeal to different senses with these toys, then you are well equipped. To promote free play, the most important thing is to set aside enough free time in daily life for children, during which they can decide entirely on their own what they want to engage with—from toys to everyday objects.

Dear Sarah Maria, thank you very much for the helpful tips and inspiration for mindful play! Every child's room looks different, and at LILLYDOO we know that no one can completely overhaul everything overnight—and that’s okay! But maybe you can take away a few ideas for how you can play freely and beautifully together. We wish you lots of fun!