In family life, you repeatedly find yourself in situations where you have to make a decision and ask yourself, "What is best for my child?" When well-meaning advice from those around you and self-proclaimed experts also comes into play, it can be quite unsettling.

There is usually not just one correct answer. Instead, each family must find their own individual way. We say: it's time to be yourself. With LILLYDOO. That’s why, in this series of articles, we want to talk with moms and dads about major parenting questions and hear how they made their decisions.

These important decisions include—perhaps even before birth, but at the latest when your baby is born—the question of sleeping arrangements. Should your baby sleep in their own crib, or together with you and the rest of the family in the family bed? In this article, two moms share what they decided, how it came about, and what tips they would give to other parents.

LAURE WITH DAUGHTER LISELOTTE (9 MONTHS)

"We already thought about where our daughter would sleep before she was born. At first, we didn't know how to approach the sleeping situation; as new parents, you feel uncertain in many situations. We didn’t rule out a family bed from the beginning. However, since we don’t have an extra-large bed, we thought we would try having her sleep in her own bed first. After the birth, we had two beds for Liselotte: a small crib that our family gifted us, which we placed in the bedroom next to our bed, and a larger bed in her room."

But I know that it is very important for babies to be very close to their parents and that they need a lot of warmth and affection, especially in the beginning. For the first two nights, she slept with us in bed, but we were always afraid that she might fall out of the bed. Therefore, we were glad to have the small crib that we could place next to ours, and in which she slept after a few days.

After two months, I unfortunately had to stop breastfeeding, which likely also affected the sleeping situation. I can understand that it's easier to have the baby with you when breastfeeding. By about three or four months, the baby’s crib was too small. We decided to try letting our daughter sleep in her own room in a toddler bed. From that point on, she slept completely alone in her room. It just happened naturally and felt like a very natural process.

In the beginning, it was still difficult for me that she wasn't very close to us. I was always worried, for example, about whether she was breathing properly. But through the baby monitor, we can hear if something is wrong. At the same time, I was glad to have my bedroom back for myself. When the baby is with you, you automatically try to be as quiet as possible so you don’t wake her. In her own room, our daughter can sleep more peacefully and isn't disturbed by us. That's an advantage for everyone involved. ;) That's why we're happy that it worked out so early.

As parents, you hear so many different stories and opinions about everything that it can sometimes be difficult to make a decision. For some families, one approach works; for others, a different one does. My tip for other moms and dads is, therefore, not to worry too much before the baby arrives. You just have to experiment a little to find out what suits the baby and you. If something works, great—and if not, you'll find another solution.

INES WITH DAUGHTER (4 YEARS) AND SON (6 MONTHS)

„Before my daughter was born, we didn't have a concrete plan for how to arrange the sleeping situation. The fact that it ultimately became a family bed just happened naturally. We have a 1.60-meter bed, and when my daughter was born, we also placed a side crib next to it. However, she never slept in it, because at first she could only fall asleep on us and later needed to be very close to us. Since I was breastfeeding, it seemed easiest for me if my baby was with me and I only had to turn around for nighttime nursing. When she got older, I placed a larger toddler bed as an extension to our bed, but she didn’t like sleeping in it either. We have maintained the family bed because we never felt that she wanted to sleep alone.

Especially when children sleep poorly at night and perhaps have nightmares, I find co-sleeping practical: you don't always have to go to the other room and wait until the child falls asleep again—you simply fall asleep together again. This way, I also get more sleep myself. I also find the idea that even small children should sleep alone quite harsh and don't think that sharing the family bed teaches them something wrong. Eventually, children naturally develop the desire to sleep alone. If my daughter says she wants her own bed, of course she’ll get it.

I think that for many families, the family bed also has practical reasons due to their living situation. In big cities, it is very difficult to find a new apartment, and many families may not even have the space for a separate children's room. We would also clear out our study if we noticed that our daughter wants to sleep alone. Currently, she still sleeps between us in the middle of the bed, and the little one is at my side in the children's bed. But he also rolls over sometimes, or I lie with him in the children's bed. I can imagine that both children will eventually share a room and sleep there together.

I would advise other parents to also consider their own needs when deciding on the sleeping arrangement. Everyone should do what requires the least effort for them personally. You have to give children so much, and you do it gladly, but ultimately, you should choose the sleeping situation and arrangement that allows you to get the most sleep. ;)”

TIME TO BE YOURSELF

Thank you to Laure and Ines for sharing their personal experiences with us! From the big family bed to having your own bed in the child's room, there are ultimately as many individual sleep arrangements as there are different families. Whether you feel confident from the start about how you want your little explorer to sleep or prefer to take things slowly and see how it goes, the most important thing is that you and your family find the solution that works best for you. Don't be discouraged by well-meaning advice or other opinions; instead, listen to your gut feeling and focus on what is best for your baby. We hope that the experiences shared by our two LILLYDOO moms have shown you that there isn’t one right decision for many things—and that it’s worth staying true to yourself, even with the many questions that come with parenthood. :)