In family life, you’ll find yourself in situations again and again where you have to make a decision and ask, “What is best for my child?” When well-meaning advice from those around you and self-proclaimed experts comes into play, it can feel quite unsettling.

There usually isn’t just one correct answer. Instead, each family must find their own individual path. We say: it’s time to be yourself. With LILLYDOO. That’s why, in this series of articles, we want to talk with moms and dads about major parenting questions and hear how they made their decisions.

Do you want to breastfeed as a mother? And if so, for how long? How does it affect the relationship with your baby if you, as the father, give the bottle? Will your child develop allergies later if they don’t receive breast milk? There are hardly any topics with as many controversial opinions—both options for early feeding are repeatedly judged and associated with prejudices. It’s not uncommon for breastfeeding mothers to receive critical looks in public. At the same time, parents are criticized for giving their child a bottle and thus supposedly offering only the “second best.” It’s often overlooked that this decision isn’t always solely in the parents’ hands—for example, if breastfeeding doesn’t work out or circumstances don’t allow it. Likewise, it’s not only “one” or “the other,” but a range of combination options in between. In this article, a mom and a dad share their stories of breastfeeding and bottle-feeding, including the advantages and disadvantages.

Alessandra breastfed her daughter Arianna (3)

"Even before her birth, I knew I wanted to breastfeed my daughter. In my opinion, it is simply the best and most natural thing you can give your child. Breastfeeding was my favorite moment of the day during this time; it was our shared moment that we enjoyed together. There are so many moms who would love to breastfeed their baby but can’t, so we were very lucky."

Although getting started with breastfeeding my daughter was a bit bumpy, with a little practice it finally went well. Even though it was difficult at first, I didn’t want to switch to infant formula because I had so much milk. Until she was five months old, I breastfed Arianna exclusively. When I returned to work at seven months, we started replacing the midday breastfeeding session so she could get used to it gradually. Still, I continued to breastfeed her in the mornings and evenings until she was 15 months old. When she finally started having breakfast with us, I only breastfed her to help her fall asleep. That was the easiest way for me to support her in drifting off. At two years old, I planned to wean completely, but our pediatrician advised against it. At that time, we had just moved, Arianna had started nursery school acclimatization, and I had a new job—so there was quite a lot going on. Only after we realized, two months later, that she was doing well with all the changes did I actually stop breastfeeding, which fortunately went smoothly without any problems.

When I breastfed in public, I sometimes received sideways glances, as if I were doing something scandalous. That upset me, after all, breastfeeding is completely natural. When my daughter turned one year old, people started asking why I was still breastfeeding. However, I never let that influence me; the only advice I followed was that of our pediatrician. He encouraged me to breastfeed for as long as I felt ready to stop. I would have been willing to continue breastfeeding even longer. But as my daughter became more independent, I realized the right time to stop had come, and I wanted to give her that independence as well.

Of course, it’s not always easy, and not everyone has a choice.

The bottle also has its advantages, for example, that the father can feed the baby too.

Additionally, it can be hard to always align your daily routine with your child’s needs.

While you can try to breastfeed on a regular schedule, this isn’t always possible: when your child is hungry, you, as the mother, need to be available to breastfeed.

This naturally limits your flexibility.

The fact that I can no longer simply do whatever I want, but also have to consider my daughter’s needs, was both difficult and beautiful for me.

But I know that we were very lucky and that many mothers don’t ask themselves whether they should breastfeed want , but whether they can breastfeed. When it goes smoothly, breastfeeding is a wonderful experience. But if it makes you nervous or tense, your child will feel that too. Don’t force yourself into anything, and do what feels best for you, because in the end, that’s also what’s best for your child."

All three children (two daughters and a son) of Andreas have received the bottle.

„All our children received a bottle. After birth, my wife tried to breastfeed them every time in the hospital, but none of the children would latch on; they simply didn't want to drink. Continuing to force it doesn't make sense, and with our third child, we were very relaxed. We had seen with the other two that children can grow up healthy with a bottle as well. So, we started giving the bottle right in the hospital each time.“

What actually came about due to external circumstances turned out—at least for me—to be the even better option. Through the bottle, I had completely different opportunities to care for my children. When breastfeeding, a man can feel somewhat helpless on the sidelines. When giving a bottle, a dad can’t just rely on saying, “I can’t do anything anyway,” but must care for the baby just as much as the mother. In my opinion, that’s how it should be for a father, and that’s exactly what’s wonderful about being a dad. We weren’t dependent on mom being there all the time; it was just as sufficient when dad was there and could take care of things. I always took over the night shifts with my children and fed them when they were hungry at night. I really enjoyed being able to care for our children in every way, just like my wife. The children understood from a young age that food and affection don’t come only from mom. Even today, they know they can turn to both of us for all their needs.

Another advantage for me was that you can give a bottle anywhere while you’re out and about. Of course, you can theoretically breastfeed anywhere, but it’s usually not that easy—for example, when it’s very cold outside. With the bottle, it was much easier; we always had everything prepared: a thermos with boiled water, the baby bottle, and individual portions of formula. The diaper bag was always with us anyway, so the bottle didn’t make much of a difference. When little ones are hungry, it sometimes has to be very quick, and a bottle can be prepared faster than finding a place to breastfeed.

Personally, I see no disadvantages to the bottle compared to breastfeeding. The argument that children develop stronger immune systems through breastfeeding is, of course, valid, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that bottle-fed children are automatically less healthy—as we’re happily seeing with our children. They received closeness and love just the same, regardless of where the nourishment came from. I can’t name anything they missed out on because of the bottle.

From the outside, we didn’t receive any reactions at all to giving our children the bottle. People were, at most, surprised at how quickly we prepared it. ;) But other people’s opinions shouldn’t really influence you anyway. My advice is simply to do what the child wants. If it breastfeeds, great! But if it doesn’t work out, I wouldn’t think twice and would give the bottle—your child won’t hold it against you.

Time to be yourself

Thanks to Alessandra and Andreas for sharing their personal stories with us! These two experiences from our LILLYDOO parents highlight just two of the many ways to feed your baby and show that each option has its advantages and disadvantages. No matter which decision you make—or have to make—when it comes to “Breastfeeding or bottle-feeding?”: there will always be critical voices. The main thing is that you know your child is well cared for and that you feel comfortable with your decision. Whatever it may be, we wish you all the best on that journey!